11/17/17

Well another week is coming to an end and we are getting close to the Christmas break.  When your sons come home it will be a time of joy and struggle.  The boys will want to please and desire to assimilate back into the home, but will of course be struggling with obedience and being drawn in by the flesh.  Today I want to discuss the idea of just making a clean cut from social media for your son when he returns home.  Many of the boys feel a strong desire to get back into their old friends and patterns (that they somehow think is unrelated to the choices they were making that brought them here), and it is going to be up to you to change things.  As a parent it is no fun to be the "no" guy.  By this I mean putting restrictions on your children can/will make you feel like a tyrant and joy killer.  Welcome to parenthood.  When my children were younger (say at a time when we had about 8 kids under the age of 14) it was physically harder to parent, but it was way easier emotionally and spiritually.  All they had to do was obey, and when they didn't...we enacted discipline.  Now, fast forward another 6 kids and now say 23 years of parenting experience, and things have really changed.  Now the struggles and parenting issues are more mental/emotional/spiritual then when the kids were little...but there is still a job to be done.  When it comes to social media we have chosen to pretty much just cut it out.  There are many reason for doing so: pornography-even on Instagram; too much concern over friendships that do not matter; over emphasis on "self"; and the ability to lead a double life behind our backs that we really can't "limit or control."  Right now your son is here, and he wants to go home. If there was ever a time to enact a change the time is now.  If there was ever a time your son was going to listen, it is now.  He wants to come home, he currently has lost most of his freedoms; he will reluctantly obey. I have head many preachers/teachers/counselors talk of how you should not cut off the social media outlet in your son's life, but rather use it as a window to their world and for building trust.  Thats all good and fine until it has stolen your son again... and for what?  So your son can have 100's of cyber friends?  So he can partake in the wisdom of his peer groups posting about how they see the world, and for some reason having it "validated" since it has been broadcasted to the web...not worth it.  The minimal tool your son may truly need MIGHT be a flip phone with NO smart phone capabilities.  He can call you for the basic needs and emergencies, but he won't be over tempted, nor drawn back into the world that nearly destroyed him the first time around.  They may throw a fit, or act like they can't survive, but all they are showing you if they do so, is their heart. They are not ready to obey, they are not ready to trust your judgement...they are not ready to come home.  When they are aware that you require blind obedience they will now know the ticket home.  Give them options for maintaining real friendships (like having the kids over to your house for pizza or whatever), but don't buy into the lie that you are hurting them in any way or somehow keeping them from the "real world", you are keeping them from perceived danger, and that is you job...good job!  They won't be happy about it, but it will never be easier to make the changes.  Write down the changes you really want to see take place in your household and send a copy of this list to your son.  Keep him aware that he is the only thing holding him back from coming home.  Right now you've got him, don't lose him.  Make any changed that you think will truly enable your son to succeed at home, and stick to your guns.  This is a powerful time in your son's life, guide him, do your job.

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