7/3/17

Before we get into dealing with the bigger sins and some options for consequences I want to address one other area of concern...the heart.  If you go back and read previous posts you will see where I have addressed some various aspects of heart change.  My point today is what to do when you have obedience, but their heart is far from you. This is a BIG deal.  If your child is still having a hard time just obeying (or he is actually enrolled just to keep him safe since his obedience is so far off the mark!) then for now you have to just focus on getting him to comply, but eventually you will need to work on the attitude that goes along with obedience.  We all know when they are giving outward obedience, but they are standing with a fist raised in the air on the inside.  God calls us out on this type of "obedience".  Isaiah 29:13 talks about a people who "...honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me."  God considers this disobedience at best, treason at worst.  As a parent it may be a battle you need to settle with for now.  By this I simply mean, take the obedience for now, then try and get their heart in a moment of non-conflict.  Getting more mad, or yelling a little louder won't usually win over their heart, it will just draw the "lines in the sand" more deeply.  When dealing with some of the bigger issues (sex, drugs, violence..etc.) you need to have some heavier consequences already in place, and you need to know how you are going to administer the consequences.  First off, if your son isn't listening to you on the small stuff you're not going to get the bigger issues, you will have to engage outside help...which many of you have already done.  As you read this keep in mind I am writing this as an equipping tool for other kids you may have in the house, or as a template to use when your son (who is currently at Future Men) comes home.  I try and be very clear to my kids that there are certain sins (in our current culture we tend to call them issues) that will require consequences/punishment, and that there are other sins which will require separation as well.  These are the tough ones.  It is brutal to imagine being separated from your son, but I encourage you to do it more often when they are little, so it can be less severe when they are older.  The kinds of offenses that would separate you from your family when you are older should separate them now as well.  Obviously the level of separation depends on their age and the offense.  Keep in mind, I get parents all the time who say things like "we have tried everything we can here at home"... this is an attempt to give you one more tool for your tool chest of parenting!  The types of offenses which should separate are as follows: pornography; violence; stealing; drug use; lying; and any other type of behavior that breaks down trust and the relationship.   It has been a busy morning full of good interruptions, so I will continue this blog later!

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