3/9/17

Last week we talked a little about being on the same page as parents, and presenting a unified front.  I want to discuss this just a little further because it seems to be a common issue in the families we are working with.  So, what do you do when the mom and dad are beginning to realize they are working from different angles.  By this I mean you both see the problem your son is dealing with, but you can't seem to agree with each other on how to handle it.  When my wife and I were in our third year of marriage we had an interaction that probably saved our marriage from imploding.  My wife was about 2 months pregnant with our first child and we were going to central California to visit her parents.  When I pulled our car into her parent's driveway I ran over a water hose that had been stretched across the driveway to water some plants.  Well, you would have thought I was involved in some horrific crime if you had seen my wife's response to me running over it!  She started telling me how terrible it is to run over a hose, and how her dad would be furious if he saw that we ran over it.  That little interaction brought about a series of discussions over the next few days that made both of us realize we had been raised very differently and that if we didn't find some common ground for our parenting that we were headed for a rough future.  We agreed to look around for a common ground that was biblical that we both could agree on that would help to steer us through the many trials of parenting.  Well, 14 kids and 27 years later we are still happily married and have made it though 100's of senarios with our kids.  We began to read books, watch VHS parenting series (yes, I did say VHS), and devour articles that we would find on the old dial up internet.  It took a lot of work, but it was fun.  Being on a different page isn't fun.  Being married is tough work, throwing kids into the mix just amplifies your problems.  So having a common ground makes it less of a my side (or ideas) vs. your side mentality, and more of a concerted effort to be good stewards of what God has given you.  It is not too late.  If your kids are older you can still make an impact.  You might need to repent (to your spouse and kids!) before you move on, but get busy and start finding out how to parent in a way that brings glory to God.  If that is your goal you cannot lose.  If having "good kids" is your goal...there is a good chance that you feel as though you have lost already.  You haven't.  If your still alive you can make changes.  I would start by reading some of the books recommended on our resource page and start asking questions.  Remember, you married your spouse.  You chose them.  Get back on the same page and let your marriage get healthy and full of hope again.  This may sound "lofty", but "what is the alternative?"  Your life isn't over, and it's not too late.  Start today.  Next time I am going to write a quick section on preferences vs. convictions.  It is one of the steps in getting on the same page.

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