3/29/17

I am writing this section on preferences vs. convictions.  The difference in these two words constitutes many of the fights we are probably experiencing in our households, and how we present them to our children.  When we became house owners that position came with authority and responsibility, the same goes for parenting.  The responsibility we know well, and feel the effects of it all the time.  Bills to pay, mouths to feed, "stability" to try and provide for the members of our household...etc.  But what of the authority?  How does this really play out? When we start to exercise our parenting muscle we are navigating our way through preferences and convictions.  Preferences are the way we like things done.  This has to do with how we were raised, our personalities, and the various ways we have envisioned our lives coming together.  This is all within our bounds, and we are allowed to "call the shots".  We are the head of the household, we can and should be calling the shots.  But what are our convictions, and how do these differ? Convictions are the things that we hold to that are not from our own preferences or upbringing, but rather they are our interpretations of the way we should live life based on God's Word, and our loyalty to our Savior. Convictions typically don't change, and they are not always the way we want to do things at the time, but they are the way we believe God wants us to do things.  When communicating with our kids there needs to be a distinction between the two.  If we want our kids to be in bed at a certain time, or whether or not we give our kid an allowance, are things that are best classified as preferences.  We as parents can/should feel free to communicate clearly our expectations to our kids in all areas of their lives, this is our job, our responsibility.  But we need to be clear to our kids that these expectations in these areas are our preferences.  We tell them that in these rules/guidelines that we have laid down in these areas is our opinion, the way WE would like for things to be done.  They are our preferences.  These rules need to be followed, and unless a child can present a case for an exception or a reason to suspend obedience, then they are expected to just simply obey.  Obedience (as stated in Ephesians 6:1-4) will bring a reward, things will go well with them.   They obey you simply because you have asked them to.  If you change your mind for any reason, no problem, but that change needs to be communicated to your children, not dictated by them.  Convictions are a different story.  Our convictions come from the reading of God's Word, and we enforce their obedience out of  a healthy fear of God.  It may be a very clear black and white of Scripture (not allowing our children to hang out with troubled friends (Proverbs 13:20), or it may be a conviction we have drawn from our interpretation of Scripture.  These convictions we hold fast to as we believe that they have come from God, and not our own "feelings".  Be aware that even though a conviction may be our own, that doesn't always mean that we want to do a particular thing, or that we feel "happy" about limiting what our kids are doing based on our convictions.  The important thing to communicate with our children is that we stand before God as stewards of them, and this stewardship is based on implementing our convictions.  We have a job to do, we are guilty if we don't.  As a husband and wife there are many different areas you need to talk over to figure out where you stand in regards to convictions vs. preferences.  These areas can include: schooling options; media regulations in your home; treatment of siblings; proper responses to parental authority; issues regarding debt for vehicles/college/other "luxury items; and so on.  It is not my job to tell you the areas you need to look into, but growing up in a "Christian American" home I am very aware that most people just choose to not think.  They just run their homes by what feels good at the time, and begin to consider making changes or enforcing new rules when crisis hits, or when things fall apart... and by then it is often too late.  Please think/pray about this big area and get where you need to be!  Don't settle for just "seeing what happens."

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